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Marshall, Missouri - The Butthole of America

Now you're probably wondering why the butthole of America? Well geographically speaking Marshall is in the middle of Missouri, and Missouri is in the middle of America, not to mention the town metaphorically smells like the dirtiest, largest, most stank filled butthole in existence. Here's a little background on me, my whole life I've basically wandered Northeast Kansas being a native from Wamego and all, and I must say I have been to some AMAZING towns while at the same time been to some stinkers. When I decided exactly one year ago to the day to move to Marshall, Missouri I never would have envisioned that I would be moving to the stinker of all stinkers! Where to even being about this town. There is one basic principle that all Marshall natives live by "The Marshall way or the highway". Basically if you weren't born here, don't have money, don't come from a family here who has money or haven't lived here for at least a decade your not welcome...EVER, no matter how hard you try YOU NOT WELCOME. My girlfriend tried to tell me this when I moved here because she moved to Marshall 7 years back and still isn't accepted to this day! I couldn't even fathom a place where people were that unaccepting of you. But much to my dismay she wasn't lying. The people here are absolutely terrible! They are mean and malicious for no reason what so ever. They senselessly bully the new arrivals, kick and out and shun them, and even and I quite literally mean this ruin there lives. Some of the stories I have heard about activities and cruelity are stories you here from people returning from prision. My personal experiences are way too vast to even get into about the shitheads who call this place home but here are a few. All my coworkers at Applebees say i'm one of the best workers they have, I get my work done before due, and I do whatever i'm told without dispute, but because i'm not from here, I get 3 hours twice a week while the ***holes from here who are the laziest, whiniest, self entitled piece of *$%^! i've ever met get a completely stacked schedule. Ex 2,My girl and I were stalked by a police officer while we went walking, then were followed for two miles on the highway because we had a missing light on the plates. We were told to exit the car, both cavity searched right there on the highway, searched the car with no probably cause or permission with police dogs, then arrested me for outstanding parking ticket(fair enough) but didn't tell me why I was being arrested, didn't read me my rights(which they told me was just a made for tv thing to read you your MIRADNA RIGHTS, and didn't buckle me in when they took me to jail. Ex 3. I went to buy smokes at Break Time and I went through the routine of showing the new employee my id, and after he saw it realizing I'm 21, he said no smokes, and actually kicked me out of the store!!! It really doesne't end with these people, don't get me wrong there are great people here, but they're few and far between. The town itself isn't actually that bad, very easy on the eyes, a lot to do as far as nature goes, but all of that is lost in the monetary segregation this town has prided itself on. If you had to make a choice to move anywhere in America, Marshall should be you very last choice, Compton, CA and Detroit, MI are more ideal places to live then Marshall, even a cardboard box is more appealing only because they at least too a small degree has a sense of family and empathy, which these pole smoking Martians have nothing of. -Alex Hennigh(The lucky SOB who is getting out of this town in 20 days!)
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